Broccomole

Not only am I picky, but I am allergic to the most annoying things.  Imagine not being allowed guacamole because the main ingredient causes the esophagus to close.  This is not a perfect replacement, however it is very good, and wonderfully creamy.

3 cups chopped broccoli
1 jalapeno, chopped, seeds removed
2 tbs green onions
1 tsp olive oil
2 ounces fat free cream cheese (tofu also works well)
1/4 tsp chili powder
1 tbs cilantro
1/4 tsp salt
1/4 tsp black pepper
1/4 tsp garlic powder

Cook the broccoli in lightly salted water until very soft.  Drain broccoli very well.Transfer to a food processor.  Add the remaining ingredients and process until smooth, add additional olive oil for a smoother texture.

BBQ Chicken Sliders

This is a recipe designed for a party, when doing this for picky eaters (like me) it make more sense to separate into 3/4 roll portions and letting the annoying picky people make their own (or let us starve, we do kind of deserve it).

Flat of 12 dinner rolls

3 cups cooked chicken
⅓ cup BBQ sauce
½ red onion, thinly sliced
6 slices pepper Jack cheese
¼ cup parsley, finely chopped
2 tablespoons melted butter

Preheat oven to 350°F.  Slice the rolls in half lengthwise.  Place the bottom half on a 9×13 baking tray.  Spread the chicken evenly on the rolls, followed by the BBQ sauce, red onion, Jack cheese, and parsley.  Place the remaining half of the rolls on top.  Brush with melted butter.
Bake for 20 minutes.

Garlic Basil Spread

Another steal from my god-sister.  I love basil

1/4 cup finely chopped garlic
1/2 cup fresh parsley leaves
1/2 cup fresh basil leaves
1/4 cup toasted pine nuts
3 tablespoons olive oil
2 tablespoons finely grated Parmesan
2 teaspoons lemon juice
1/4 teaspoon salt

To make the Garlic Basil spread, combine the garlic, parsley, basil, pine nuts, olive oil, cheese, lemon juice, and salt in a food processor and pulse to form a paste.

Fococcia

My step niece in law (sometimes called God-sister) loves cooking about as much as I do.  This is fococcia from her (it is great having an awesome recipe obsessed member of the family).

3 cups warm water
2 tablespoons instant dry yeast
1/4 cup sugar
2 pounds, 8 ounces unbleached all purpose flour
2 teaspoons kosher salt
1/3 cup extra virgin olive oil
1/2 cup fresh rosemary leaves
3 garlic cloves, peeled and thinly sliced
1 tablespoon salt

In a large mixing bowl, dissolve the yeast in warm water and allow to bloom for 5-10 minutes, or until mixture is foamy.
Add the sugar, 2 pounds of flour, and salt and mix by hand or a stand mixer for approximately 5 minutes. Dough should be smooth and elastic. Add remaining flour as necessary to keep the dough from sticking. Form the dough into a ball, transfer to an oiled large mixing bowl and turn it to coat the dough with oil. Cover bowl with plastic wrap and allow the dough to rise in a warm place until it doubles in bulk, about 1 1/2 hours. The dough may be made up to this point, punched own and kept covered and chilled overnight. Allow the dough to return to room temperature before proceeding with the recipe
Preheat oven to 450F and place a rack in the center. Press the dough evenly into a well-oiled rimmed baking sheet and let it rise in a warm place, covered loosely for 1 hour or until almost doubled in bulk. Combine 1/3 cup oil, garlic and rosemary leaves in a small mixing bowl and set aside.
Using your fingertips, dimple the dough evenly across the surface to make 1/4 inch deep indentations Using a pastry brush, coat the focaccia with the her oil and sprinkle lightly with sea salt. Place in preheated oven and bake for 20-25 minutes or until the to is golden brown. Allow the focaccia to cook in the pan on a wire rack and serve warm or at room temperature, or split for sandwiches if desired.

Sack Posset

Doing the research for this one I found a few different end types.  I tried these two extremes ...

Custard
Take a quart of thick cream, boil it with whole spice, then take sixteen eggs, yolks and whites beaten very well, then heat about three quarters of a pint of sack, and mingle well with your eggs, then stir them into your cream, and sweeten it, then cover it up close for half an hour or more over a seething pot of water or over very slow embers, in a bowl

Drink

1 C granulated sugar
1 C cream sherry

Whole or ground nutmeg (whole gives a milder flavour)
2 C milk
5 egg yolks

Put the sherry, sugar, and nutmeg into a saucepan, bring to a boil and stir until the sugar melts In another saucepan scald the milk.
Put the egg yolks into a bowl and beat about 1/2 cup of the milk into them, then slowly add the rest of the scolded milk beating all the time, then back to the saucepan, medium-low heat and cook until the mixture coats the back of a metal spoon.  Gradually add the sherry mixture, mix well but do not beat.
Heat through and serve.

Another reminder, booze does not entirely burn off, too much could get you drunk.

Blind Russian

0.75 ounce Irish cream

0.75 ounce Godiva white chocolate liqueur

0.75 ounce Kahlua

0.50 ounce butterscotch schnapps

Milk to taste

Fill shaker with ice, add liqueurs and milk.Shake and strain into glass.

Punch Romaine

Another Supersizer Go based recipe.  I do not remember which episode, I remember there being a dinner party, and Sue Perkins lacking sobriety to a serious degree (ie she was drunk).

1 egg white
1 oz. white rum
1 oz. white wine
1⁄2 oz. simple syrup
1⁄2 oz. lemon juice
1 oz. fresh orange juice
2 oz. Champagne or sparkling wine
Twist of orange peel, for garnish


In an ice-filled cocktail shaker, combine egg white, rum, wine, simple syrup, lemon and orange juice; shake vigorously until well mixed and frothy. Mound crushed ice in a large coupe glass, and pour drink around it. Top with champagne, and garnish with orange peel.

Indian Beef Fry

I read about this on BBC and had to try it.  I could write a 10 page essay on me being obsessed with spicy foods.  I will stick with just sharing this mildly modified recipe I tried.

2 lb beef cut into 2"-long, 1"-thick strips
2 large onions sliced very thin
2 large tomatoes chopped fine
2 T ginger paste
2 T garlic paste
2-3 green chillies (I did 4)
3 T coriander seeds
4 T fennel seeds
8 cloves
6 cardamom pod seeds
1" stick of cinnamon
20-30 black peppercorns
1 large onion chopped fine
50 curry leaves
1 C fresh coconut cut into 1"-long, thin slivers
1 T mustard seeds
4 T cooking oil (I go with coconut, cause that is kind of my thing)

Heat a flat pan on a medium flame till hot. Reduce the flame to simmer. Put the fennel, coriander seeds, cloves, peppercorns, cardamon seeds, and cinnamon on the pan. Roast, stirring often till the spices begin to get slightly darker and give off their aroma. Turn off fire. Allow to cool slightly.

Grind the above roasted spices into a coarse powder in a clean, dry coffee grinder (I keep a spare one just for this type of thing).

Put the meat, sliced onions, green chillies, tomatoes, ginger and garlic paste and ground spices into a large mixing bowl. Mix well till all the meat is coated. Keep aside to marinate for an hour.

After an hour, put the above mixture into a large deep vessel and set up to cook on a medium flame. Do not add any water as the meat will give off its own juices. Cook till the meat is tender.

In a separate small pan, heat the cooking oil on a medium flame till hot and add the chopped onions to it. Fry till transparent.

Add the curry leaves and mustard seeds, and cook till they stop spluttering. Now add the coconut slivers. Cook till they begin to turn a pale golden color.

Add this tempering mixture to the meat and mix well. Turn on the fire (medium flame) under the vessel containing the meat and cook, stirring often, till the meat browns. The whole dish begins to turn a deep, dark brown in color. This dish traditionally has no gravy at all and is dry so if water is present, make sure to dry it off.

Hippocras

I love Supersizers Go. History and cooking?  What is there not to love? This one is from the Elizabethan episode.  In olden times this spiced wine was served as a digestive, but I say drink it on a hot day or a cold night.

1 stick cinnamon, broken into smaller pieces

small pinch of cloves (up to a tiny handful)
1" thinly sliced ginger
1/2 C sugar
1 bottle red wine

Optional

1/2 t course ground pepper

1/2 t ground nutmeg

Mix wine with sugar, and add the spices. Let stand for a day or two. Strain the wine through a moistened cheese cloth and rebottle the wine. Keep the hippocras in the refrigerator, and wait a couple of days before serving.

This is amazing both chilled and warmed (remember that warming does burn off some alcohol, but not nearly all, so it still counts).

Challah Bread

I love bread, like really love bread.  I would love to just eat bread, a million different kinds of it.  Hot with butter, with toppings, or without anything.  I will try to not bore you with too much bread in too short a time.

1/2 T active dry yeast
1 cup warm water (100 degrees F/40 degrees C)
2 T honey
1 t salt
3 eggs, beaten
3 1/2 cups all-purpose flour, plus more for kneading
1 beaten egg yolk, or more; for brushing

Stir the yeast into the water, and let the mixture stand until a creamy layer forms on top, about 10 minutes. Stir in honey and salt until dissolved, and add the eggs. Mix in the flour, a cupful at a time, until the dough is sticky.

Sprinkle the dough with flour, and knead until smooth and elastic, about 5 minutes.
Form the dough into a compact round shape, and place in an oiled bowl. Turn the dough over several times in the bowl to oil the surface of the dough, cover the bowl with a damp cloth, and let rise in a warm area until doubled in size, 45 minutes to 1 hour.
Punch down the dough, and cut it into 3 equal-sized pieces. Working on a floured surface, roll the small dough pieces into ropes about the thickness of your thumb and about 12 inches long. Ropes should be fatter in the middle and thinner at the ends. Pinch 3 ropes together at the top and braid them. Starting with the strand to the right, move it to the left over the middle strand (that strand becomes the new middle strand.) Take the strand farthest to the left, and move it over the new middle strand. Continue braiding, alternating sides each time, until the loaf is braided, and pinch the ends together and fold them underneath for a neat look.
Place the braided loaf on a baking sheet lined with parchment paper, and brush the top with beaten egg yolk. (For a softer crust, brush with melted butter instead.)
Preheat oven to 350 degrees F (175 degrees C).
Bake the challah in the preheated oven until the top browns to a rich golden color and the loaf sounds hollow when you tap it with a spoon, 30 to 35 minutes. Cool on a wire rack before slicing.

Cheese and Mushroom bread

Remember yesterdays bread?  This goes amazing on it.

Side note, I hate mayonnaise (I can handle homemade, but the jarred stuff is disgusting).  DO NOT SKIP IT, this is so much better with it, gives it an amazing melty feeling even when the bread is completely cooled.

1 T unsalted butter
1 t olive oil
3 C sliced crimini mushrooms
1 T fresh thyme leaves, plus more for garnish
2 C shredded mozzarella
1 C shredded swiss cheese
1/4 C mayonnaise
1/2 t garlic
1/4 t black pepper
1/2 loaf bread (1 whole loaf cut lengthwise)

Preheat oven to 425 degrees.

Heat butter and olive oil in a skillet over medium heat until butter melts. Add in mushrooms and cook, stirring occasionally until the mushrooms start to brown, about 10 minutes. Remove from heat and allow to cool.
Combine cooled mushrooms, thyme, mozzarella, swiss, mayonnaise, garlic and black pepper in a bowl. Mix well.
Spoon and spread mixture on the bread. Cook in preheated oven for 15 - 20 minutes or until bread starts to brown and cheese is bubbly. Remove from oven, allow to cool several minutes, garnish with fresh thyme leaves, slice and serve.

Easy, Simple, Fun Bread

I love this recipe for a million reasons (well, a long list of reasons) quite a few of which is that it can be easily modified.

Only the yeast cannot be changed without huge modification.

The water can be changed, however you have to be very careful with a modification as not everything will make the yeast bloom.

The sugar can be changed to a multitude of sweet products.

The salt can be low sodium, half sodium, etc, or cut entirely (though that is not suggested as it does hurt the flavour.

The oil is lots of fun to play with.  So many oil choices, so little time.  I love coconut oil, I use it everywhere, here it gives a mild tropical flavour if you eat the bread without any topping.

The flour can be changed, although the amount does swing based on which, sometimes by quite a bit.
Even the loaf style can be modified.  Want rolls?  Want a wider shaped loaf?  Want a thinner shape?  Try anything, just remember that bake time may change.

Try this one, play with it, find a combination you love as much as I love my coconut bread topped with pineapple jelly.  I have many recipes that use this as a base.

1/2 T (1 package) active dry yeast
2 1/4 C warm water (110° to 115°)
3 T sugar
1 T salt
2 T canola oil
6 1/4-3/4 C all-purpose flour

Dissolve yeast in warm water. Add the sugar, salt, oil and 3 cups flour. Beat until smooth. Stir in enough remaining flour, 1/2 cup at a time, to form a soft dough.
Turn onto a floured surface; knead until smooth and elastic, about 8-10 minutes. Place in a greased bowl, turning once to grease the top. Cover and let rise in a warm place until doubled, about 1-1/2 hours.

Punch dough down. Turn onto a lightly floured surface; divide dough in half. Shape each into a loaf. Place in two greased 9x5-in. loaf pans. Cover and let rise until doubled, about 30-45 minutes.

Bake at 375° for 30-35 minutes or until golden brown and bread sounds hollow when tapped.

The Courtesan

So beyond the name being awesome it tastes pretty damn good too

1.5 oz Ebb+Flow Gin

1 oz Depth Cacao
1/4 oz Maraschino
1/4 oz raspberry liqueur.

Shake with ice and serve up.

Eggnog Ice Cream

Beat together 4 egg yolks and 1/3 cup sugar until the yolks lighten in color and the sugar is completely dissolved in the bowl of a standmixer fitted with the whisk attachment. Set aside.

Combine the 1 pint whole milk, 1 cup heavy cream, 1 teaspoon freshly grated nutmeg, and 1/2 teaspoon kosher salt in a medium sauce pan and bring just to a boil over high heat, stirring occasionally. Remove from the heat and gradually temper the hot mixture into the egg and sugar mixture. Then return everything to the pot and cook until the mixture reaches 160 degrees. Remove from the heat, stir in 3 ounces bourbon and pour into a medium mixing bowl and set in the refrigerator. Chill the mixture in the refrigerator until it reaches a temperature of 40 degrees, approximately 4 to 6 hours.

Once chilled, process in an ice cream maker according to the manufacturers instructions. Serve as is for soft-serve or place in an airtight container and put in the freezer for 2 to 4 hours for traditional ice cream.

How to make gay pasta

You need multiple pots. One for each colour
In each pot add water and food colouring
Boil noodles as normal
Drain, rinse, drain, then mix together

Grapefruit Hot Toddy

2 cups of water
2 bags of black tea
½ cup fresh grapefruit juice (about 1 grapefruit)
2 shots of bourbon
1 tablespoon maple syrup (whatever liquid sweetener you got will do)
2 cinnamon sticks (totally fucking optional)

Bring the water to a boil on the stove with a kettle or whatever the fuck else you use. In a large measuring glass or heat-safe pitcher add the grapefruit juice, bourbon, maple syrup, and cinnamon sticks. When the water is boiling, pour it into the pitcher, add the tea bags, and cover that motherfucker to keep it warm while the flavors mix. Let the tea steep for 3 minutes. Take out the tea bags and cinnamon sticks and serve that shit immediately.

Classic Cheesecake

1-1/2 C     Graham crackers crumbs
1 C +3 T   Sugar
1/3 C         Butter
4 8oz pkg  Cream Cheese, softened
1 t              Vanilla
4                 Eggs

Set oven to 325 F

Crust
Mix the crumbs, 3 T of the sugar sugar, and butter;  press into 9" cheesecake pan

Cake
Beat the cream cheese, the rest of the sugar, and the vanilla;  once well mixed add the eggs 1 at a time, mix on low; pour over crust

Bake for 55 minutes, until middle is nearly set

Wait until cooled to remove from pan

Candy Corn Cocktail

1/4 box lemon flavored gelatin powder
1/4 cup water
1/2 cup mango nectar
3/4 cup orange soda
1/4 cup Malibu Rum
Top with whipped cream

Boil water, add lemon gelatin and add mango nectar.
Pour mixture into a stem-less glass and chill in fridge for 3-4 hours.
Mix orange soda with Malibu Rum and slowly pour over chilled mixture.
Top with whipped cream.